London, England

Friday, 5 November 2004

HISTORY OF THE WORLD
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Desert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants live elsewhere.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinnessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain asked "Am I my brother's son?" Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingreadients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died of and overdoes of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the Olympic games Greeks ran races, jumped. hurled the biscuits and threw the java.
Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed on in one place for very long. Julius Ceasar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made King. Dying, he gasped out "Tee Hee Brutus". Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally Manga Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence. In midveil time most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literaure. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through and apple while standing on his son's head.
Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah". It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenburg invented moveable type and the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a hostorical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcied the world with a 100 foot clipper.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespere. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tradegies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are and example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespere was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hotel. The next great author was John Milton who wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

During the Renaissance America befan. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrims Progress. The winter of 1820 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captin John Smith was responsible for this.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea...
Also, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxies. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contenter Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independance. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared 'A horse divided upon itself cannot stand'. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic security. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. Abraham Lincon became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin, which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theature and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assasinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a resonable time. Voltaire invented elevtricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compostitions and had a large number of children. In bettween he practised on and old spinster which he kept in the attic. Back died from 1850 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827, and later died for this.
The French Revoulution was accomplished before it was happened and cataputled into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted and heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
Queen Victoria was the longest Queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practised virtue. Her death was a final even which ended her reign.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Dawin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
The First World War. caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Thursday, 4 November 2004

People are possessive of their writing-style and it may be impossible to convince them that it can be improved, let alone persuade them to do so. It may be, however, that good style can be taught to children. It may already be being taught or, alternatively, schools may only teach correctness.